Oh man

sweet17: Hi
Bloodninja: hello
Bloodninja: who is this?
sweet17: just a someone?
Bloodninja: A someone I know?
sweet17: nope
Bloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
sweet17: well sorrrrrry
sweet17: I just wanted to chat with you
Bloodninja: why?
sweet17: nevermind your an jerk
Bloodninja: Hey wait a minute
sweet17: yes?
Bloodninja: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
sweet17: paranoid?
Bloodninja: yes
sweet17: of what?
sweet17: me?
Bloodninja: No. I'm in hiding.
sweet17: LOL
Bloodninja: Don't f**king laugh at me!
Bloodninja: This s**t is serious!
sweet17: What are you hiding from?
Bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: gimme a f**king break
Bloodninja: I'm serious.
sweet17: I don't get it
Bloodninja: The cops are after me.
sweet17: For what?
Bloodninja: I'm wanted in three states
sweet17: For???
Bloodninja: It's kind of embarrasing.
Bloodninja: I had sex with a turkey.
Bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You are f**king sick.
Bloodninja: Send me your picture.
sweet17: why?
Bloodninja: so I know you aren't one of them.
sweet17: One of what?
Bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: I'm not a cop i told you
Bloodninja: Then send me your picture.
sweet17: hold on
Bloodninja: Hurry up.
Bloodninja: Are you there?
Bloodninja: F**k you, cop!
sweet17: Hey sorry
sweet17: I had to do something for my mom.
Bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
Bloodninja: When really you were notifying the authorities.
Bloodninja: Weren't you!?
sweet17: thats not it
Bloodninja: Then what?
sweet17: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
Bloodninja: Most cops aren't
sweet17: IM NOT A F**KING COP YOU A**HOLE!
Bloodninja: Then send me the picture.
sweet17: fine. What's your e-mail?
Bloodninja: Just send it through here.
sweet17: alright *PIC*
sweet17: Did you get it?
Bloodninja: Hold on. I'm looking.
sweet17: That was me back in may
sweet17: I've lost weight since then.
Bloodninja: I hope so
sweet17: what?!?
sweet17: that hurt my feelings.
Bloodninja: Did it?
sweet17: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
Bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
sweet17: yes
Bloodninja: Alright let me find it.
sweet17: kks
Bloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC*
sweet17: this isn't you.
Bloodninja: I'll be damned if it ain't!
sweet17: You don't look like that.
Bloodninja: How the hell do you know?
sweet17: cause your profile has another picture.
Bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake.
Bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops.
sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
Bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
Bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.
sweet17: Go f**k yourself
Bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture
Bloodninja: Now my unit won't get hard for a week.
sweet17: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
sweet17: You've done nothing but slam me.
sweet17: you hurt me.
Bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me!
Bloodninja: Why would I do that?
sweet17: I can't believe that cops are after you
Bloodninja: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
sweet17: F((K YOU!!!
Bloodninja: You'd break both of his legs.
sweet17: You're a F**KING A**HOLE!
sweet17: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
sweet17: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
Bloodninja: Ok. I'm sorry.
sweet17: No you aren't
Bloodninja: You're right. I'm not.
Bloodninja: HAARRRRR!
sweet17: I'm done with you
Bloodninja: Aww. I'm sorry.
sweet17: I'm putting you on ignore
Bloodninja: Wait a sec
Bloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot.
Bloodninja: Wanna start over?
sweet17: No
Bloodninja: I'll eat your kitty
sweet17: You'll what?
Bloodninja: You heard me.
Bloodninja: I said I'd eat your kitty.
sweet17: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture
Bloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?
sweet17: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
Bloodninja: Well I'm not like most men.
Bloodninja: I get excited in different ways.
sweet17: Like what?
Bloodninja: Do you really wanna know?
sweet17: I don't know
Bloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no.
sweet17: I'm afraid to
Bloodninja: Why?
sweet17: cause
Bloodninja: cause why?
sweet17: well lets see
sweet17: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
sweet17: doesn't that seem strange to you?
Bloodninja: Nope
sweet17: well its strange to me
Bloodninja: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
sweet17: I didn't say that
Bloodninja: So is that a yes?
sweet17: I guess so.
Bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
Bloodninja: Are you willing?
sweet17: What do you need me to do?
Bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.
sweet17: ???
Bloodninja: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
Bloodninja: ok?
Bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You can't be serious
Bloodninja: Oh yes I am!
Bloodninja: It's my fantasy.
sweet17: this is retarded
Bloodninja: Do you want it or not?
sweet17: Yes I want it.
Bloodninja: Then you'll do it for me?
sweet17: sure
Bloodninja: Ok. Here we go.
Bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
Bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
Bloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.
Bloodninja: I run my tounge up and down your smooth c**t.
sweet17: mmmm yeah
Bloodninja: uh oh ...going limp.
sweet17: Har
Bloodninja: You gotta do better than that!
Bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
Bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every stroke.
Bloodninja: I softly suck on your cl*t bringing it in and out of my mouth.
Bloodninja: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
Bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
sweet17: mmmmmm you are good
Bloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder
Bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: HARRRRRRR
Bloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
Bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth.
Bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: this is stupid
Bloodninja: ...still limp
Bloodninja: Do it!
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
Bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your a**hole.
Bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
Bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.
sweet17: WTF?!?!?
Bloodninja: They stink really bad.
sweet17: OMG STOP!!!
Bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
Bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
Bloodninja: I ram it up your ass.
sweet17: YOURE A F**KING PYSCHO!!
Bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
Bloodninja: And turn you into a f**king candy apple...
Bloodninja: I kick you in the face!
sweet17: F**K YOU A**HOLE!!
Bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
Bloodninja: Your parrot flys away.
Bloodninja: ...going limp again.
Bloodninja: Hello?
Bloodninja: Say it!
Bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

__________





Link for more tears of laughter

Found a cool dude

"I prefer classical music and opera, so will sit this one out. I come from a very intellectual background and attended one of the top Universities where I could further my education."

"Every boy grows up dreaming of being a professinoal athlete, it does not matter if it is winning Wimbledon or hitting a walk off Slam to win the World Series, every single boy has this dream. The weak kids go into art, acting, or something else because they cannot hang."


"I am probably one of the few people to turn down a full scholorship to Stanford or early admission into Harvard to attend USC, but I am not your ordinary person."

"No offense to students at UW Platteville, but it is the lowest ranked college in America and only excepts the worst of the worst cheese farmers ugliest kids."

"If you have a kid and he /she is not a great athlete, your genes suck and you failed as a parent. You have to have amazing work ethic to be a two sport college athlete and that is all I needed to know."


"If you ever spend a few days with me, you will notice that when I cross streets I just jump right in front of cars or do other things that seem very dangerous, but I just hope someone pushes the accelarator and not the brake by accident."


"Better to be a work a holic then to be a standard American lazy bum."

"I am one of the few people in the world who has a legitimate chance of playing in Wimbledon and the US Open Golf in the next 5 years."


"I have been accused many times of being a workaholic, but I got places to go and things to do, and if your not going to help me get to where I want to be, your about as useless to me as that eco friendly, polar bear saving fan above my bed."


"While "Spacegravy" was checking my sharkscope results earlier, he cut his finger on the sharp edges of my "Platinum" star, so please be careful."





More gems here

Good few days

Made over ten buyins a day for the last three days, including my best profit ever at 25nl of $302. Total $875 in 20k hands, so I'm delighted really. Bit tired now, will update soon.

Another average day

Made around 11 buyins today. Meh.


Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ah no I'm delighted, it's very close to my best day ever at 25nl, if not the best. AND seeing as I played my 10 BI session last night after 12 o clock you might even say that it is a +21 BI day. Shiiipp. $525. Happy out. This all probably makes for boring reading, so I'm sorry for that. Don't worry though, a losing session is on the cards, fo sho. Everything is going so well something bad is bound to happen. I've got a great positive attitude as you can see.

**Edit - Actually no fuck that my next sesh is going to be even bigger. Roll on a 30 BI day. (last ditch effort to negate my clever fating of the gods earlier, please no doomswitch stars;)

Two in a day again, I'm too nice

Just finished up an average +10 BI session, including quads and a royal flush! As you do. Good times.





I love the weekends on stars, I'd love to know my winrate on just Fri, Sat and Sun nights. Cant be arsed to load a filter, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was 7 or 8 ptBB/100. So many people calling down to the river full sure of the fact you are holding AK. Not a hope it is anything else, AK AK AK!The board is something like QJ976, and they pull a hero call out of the hat with a9 or 88. Loveit.

Oh and I forgot this earlier



Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

I just can't get it right

First three hands against aggrotards:













Then this against a nit.






I'm such a fish.

One more thing

Swingy Days

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net



It has been pretty damn swingy since my weekend off, but profit is profit.

I'm right on track for 10k vpp's, playing quite a lot. Can't wait for the first of June when I can give this boring shit up, for two months at least. I'm taking a month off lazing around my hometown, and then a month of traveling all around Europe. For now its back to the grindstone til the end of this month to make some $$$ and keep that Nova.

Here are a few hands in which the players involved were most likely proffesionals. Any thoughts appreciated, on bet sizing in particular.

Ouch. just realised that two of these hands were against the same poor guy. Raped.

Good to be back + update

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net


So I took a holiday to London, had a great time, and am now back reinvented, refreshed, and ready. I have had two good sessions since returning, which is a sign that I'm playing well. Today I was stuck $150 (six buyins) at one stage, but kept a cool head to finish up $3, which I'm delighted with. I was pissed off at one stage but I don't think I let my play suffer. Sessions where you lose a lot to recoup at the end are so much better than being up like 6 buyins to finish even.

Full steam ahead now to maintain Nova for this month! Here are some hands from today.


In this hand I manned up and called this aggrotard's shove. Its a nice feeling to catch people with their hand in the cookie jar, getting caught is an awful feeling though.



And a nice ol' hand here


**Update - Played another 45 min session, + 3 BI's. Feels good to be grinding again, got 600 vpp's today. Another 9 days like today and I'm there.

Avoiding the Raw Deal

Picture the scene: the lights are dimmed, you are one card away from a
big win and you have the upper hand. There’s no way they can beat you.
But ‘that guy’ who usually ends up in your games seems to be dealing a
little strangely today. Before you’ve finished blinking your eyes,
that very same guy has begun to deal the cards on the table one by
one, but yours lands face up! The whole hand has to be dealt once
again. You seem to be playing at reasonably high stakes and so this
shouldn’t really be happening any more…
Well it happened to me last night. At my own home game which made it
rather frustrating too. Like my friends, I am certain that every mid
to high stakes gambler wants the security that a professional casino
dealer provides. When the stakes are high you can’t afford to make any
errors. Getting a professional is the only way to ensure that all the
rules are complied with and you get the added bonus of experiencing a
far more convincing playing field that resembles a professional casino.
I’ve always hired professional poker dealers/croupiers to deal at our home games and
dinner parties. When we invite guests over, the dealer gives us a
quick demonstration of his card handling skills, accompanied by a few
shuffling tricks. Once the formalities are over, we get down to the
actual game. Its usually Black Jack followed by Poker. Both test his
dealing skills to the limit well until the early hours every week.
Since I am no longer a casino man - naturally my wife takes care of
that, I am able to do this by visiting a site I found called Dial A
Dealer. Its a rather clever directory of dealers and high quality casino hire events companies from around the
world. Dealers can sign up to the site and enter all of their
accolades as well as photographs and highlight which games they excel
at. I was able to quickly find a reliable dealer who is now a good
friend in my area.
The site has a distinct design that sets it apart from most casino
related sites. There is an informative article section which contains
advice for the newcomers covering all sorts of important topics such
as dealing etiquette and the top five worst mistakes you can make.
Perhaps the dealer from last night’s game should have read this site?!
There is also a blog section that allows people like me to keep in
touch with all the latest news from the gambling world. Alongside this
are tips and advice to improve your home games as well.
Overall, I think they have all the popular locations covered like the
US, Canada, the UK, Australia and New Zealand. Its interesting to note
that the search for my dealer was made very easy by a feedback system
that lets users rate the dealers. Since I regularly have larger
parties I sometimes use the dealer’s extra services to hire tables or
venues and the site lets me see instantly who offers these.
Every time I go to a game that starts to go high stakes, I recommend
calling up a dealer from www.dialadealer.com to make sure the odds are
in everyone’s favour.

Burnout

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net



I have played just one session since the last blog post. 1800 hands, minus 2 BI's. I really think I've burned out properly this time. I can't stand to think of playing poker through the summer. I have around $5k, which I'm hoping will get me through til August/September.

I'll keep playing for the next few weeks hopefully, and then stop for good until August sometime. Actually I just decided I'm going to try and move up to 50nl. Should be a bit more fun than the usual 25nl donks. Anyway I'm off to watch Man United crush Wigan.

This is my bro's blog, he's started it up after hearing I have made a bit of $$$ from this.
Stupid Blog

Downswing + 25nl stats

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net



I can't seem to stop myself from tilting these days. It's not ubermega "I'm gonna hit 5/10 heads up," tilt, just that I'm playing my B-game constantly. Scratch that, it's more like my F-game:



The villain was running 16/12, and of course my tilted brain interprets this to mean that villain is DEFINITELY bluffing. Snap call that river, why not? I have the nuts.

Through analyzing my PT3 stats I've noticed I have had five losing sessions at 25nl in a row. God damn awful, whichever way you look at it. I don't know what to do to stop spewing. Not getting outdrawn at the start of sessions would help, but one or two bad outdraws never used to tilt me. Whats changed? I have been getting coolered and outdrawn a lot more but its no excuse, I used to be so confident at 25nl. I know I can still kill it, but before I was just more confident. I'm gonna play a lot less over the next week or two, and then increase the hours a lot to keep supernova at the end of May.


Here are my stats at 25nl to make myself feel better

Hands 395,806
Hours 254.22
BB/100 3.84
Total Profit $7599.70
$/hour $29.89
$ from Fpp's $2361.97

Total Hourly Rate ...... $39.19


Just to remind myself, I got $ from fpp's by
(Hands/100) x (11 x .0155 x 3.5)



On a non poker related subject United are through to the final of the Champions League!!!! Roll on Rome, I hope Barcelona get through. I have a bit of money on 2-1 Barca as well.

I am really pissed off about Fletcher though, it's an disgrace that the decision can't even be appealed. He is a player that truly puts his all into every game, and he deserves to be in that final more than most of our team. Fuck that retarded ref.



ONLY FOR YOU FLETCH!

140k hands my arse

So yeah I'm a lazy fuck, 140k hands in May aint gonna happen. I have played 3k hands so far, (what a hardcore grinder) for a profit of -$17.80.

I have decided that I'm probably gonna work through the summer, minus the time I'll be off traveling. This means for May I'll just maintain Nova and enjoy the month. I'm bringing my girlfriend to London next weekend for our four year anniversary, which should be a good laff.

My next blog post I'll upload some hands or something concretely poker related, this blog is after taking a turn for the worse ie. shitloads of non-poker related content. Serious poker stuff coming up, in the meantime I should get grinding, well behind on keeping supernova this month.

Shitty day but maintained Nova

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net



Today was a pretty awful day, - 7 buyins. Played brilliantly terrible. When I get bad luck and lose a few buyins I don't really mind, but when I play like I did today and also get coolered and outdrawn it really annoys me. Arghhh. Such a donk in so many spots, this spewyness/spewiness? has been creeping into my play a lot as of late. Gotta concentrate in the month coming, where I'll be putting in serious volume.

April results - 1.5k profit, 3.42 BB/100, 90k hands


May Goals - 140k hands, stop this retarded spewing

I'm spoiling you

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Yes two posts in a day, Christmas has come.

Just wanted to give an update after my earlier tilt spree. I took a while off, had a shower, and downloaded and started listening to Joanna Newsom. What music... never have I felt more relaxed than when I took to the tables again.

Only played for half an hour but I played well and managed to get myself back up for the day. Here is the graph of today, I have the place in time circled where I gave up earlier.
Pretty swingy day.



As for Joanna Newsom, what a girl.

Stop TILTING!

This post is just to remind me what happens when I tilt. Probably won't have any effect on me in terms of stopping me from tilting in the future but you never know.

I don't tilt often, but when I do I'm a worse player than that donk Virmos I regularly berate. Well ok, not that bad, but the evidence is compelling all the same:









Argh

Grinding

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net


Sorry for the lack of updates, there hasn't been anything new or strange going on really. I am playing a lot more, on account of trying to get the 10k vpp's in before May, and have been running ok. I got my 3rd (might be 4th) ever royal flush today, and managed to run it into a full house was a pretty nice way to start off my sesh this morn.




I have to play around 4 hours a day for the rest of the month the get the 10k vpp's. I'm planning on maintaining these hours through the month of May, to leave myself with enough money so as to not have to grind AT ALL through the summer. Should be a good summer if I can put the hours in, I think 3.5ke shouold be enough, so roughly 4.5k USD. I have around 4k USD at the moment so I need to make enough to live off for May and make 1k more so I have enough to continue the grind after summer when I start college. Thats the plan anyhoo, I'm off, here are my stats for all 25nl hands as promised.

Hands 347,635
Hours 224.50
BB/100 4.10
Total Profit $7123.50
$/hour 31.73
$ from Fpp's 1980.01

Total Hourly Rate ...... $40.55


**Edit

Just finished my best day ever in terms of volume. Pretty close to best profit ever too.
10,134 hands, $229.05 profit. This grinding thing is easy once you get in a swing, I've played over 18k hands in 2 days, which would normally take me 6 or seven days, depending how lazy I am that particular week. Gotta keep it up now, made over 1k vpp's today.

Come on UNITED!!!!!!!!!!!

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net


Today was the first time I've played since my last post, so had a nice long break. Got back into the swing of things today, booking a win of $208.65 in around 4 hours. I'll be playing a lot more for the rest of the month, to keep my supernova status.

The "scammer" who took my $500 has payed back the first installment of $100, which I'm delighted about. It means I don't have to hunt him down and break his lags.

In other new YEEEEEEESSSSS Liverpool lost. Justice. I'll update my 25nl stats next post, gotta go watch Man United cruise through to the semi's.

Douglas....retarded? Just maybe

Fuck you Gerrard!!!

Poker has been going ok, not great. I had a nasty sesh yesterday where, in 600 hands, I had two set under set's, kk vs. aa aipf, and a hand where I had qq on a q66 board drawing practically dead. I made over 2k in March, at $33 an hour, and for April so far I have made 420, at $30 an hour, so it's not bad really.

I played the $16.50 heads up SCOOP, and I think I won six in a row to take home $92, in the last 256. I made a pretty bad call in the final heads up, where I thought I had a read. Douglas played it too, and I offered to trade 5% of the action. He declined, his reasoning being he thinks he's better at me heads up. Justice I say.

Going to start up a sesh now, and then start the 5th series of house.

Sweet day

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net



What an unreal day. Firstly and MOST importantly, UNITED WON! What a match, it literally had me in tears (of happiness). It was the most exciting and entertaining match I've seen in ten years, since that wonderful season of '99. Delighted.

Secondly, I had a +9.78 BI day, which is always good.

Thirdly, two of those 9.78 buyins were won off my arch nemesis donkey Virmos. Here are the hands, he played pretty poorly in both which made me even happier he he.








Fourthly, well I don't really have a fourthly. I suppose the scoop is quite exciting, I have a piece of my friend Dougie, and a player called cody1982, so it's nice to have some interest. Railing Negreanu too, in the 10k horse. Exciting.

Anyway, I'm off to wank over United on MotD2. Gl all.

A few cool articles + Live Tourney Updates

As many as you may have guessed, the last post was an april fool. And I made many the april fool out of you all. Hopefully. Will and Dougie were caught anyway, although Douglas maintains he knew all along and was playin with me.

Haven't played much since last post, hour and a half just there. Made $60, with some bad luck and bad play. This hand is just awful, I was kinda on tilt.





I came across two interesting articles/blog posts in the last few days.

The first one here conveys a lot of views that I strongly agree with, its quite refreshing to find another person who shares my outlook on this topic. Another valid point in the argument of being rich vs. being "normal" is the old pronoun "money can't buy you happiness," a saying with which I totally agree. I grew up with a variety of people, some rich, some not so rich, and I fully believe that the better off friends of mine were no happier than the less well off. And this goes for all ages (I think).


This article outlines the five most essential aspects to becoming a successful poker player. I think I have four out of five of the qualities, the fourth quality being the one I lack. Although saying I have four out of five down kind of takes number five away from me. Ah well three aint bad.


As we speak I am playing in the supernova weekly tourney and this hand has just happened.


I though I recongnized his name so I looked up the villain on OPR here. Oh yeah, I pawned the number one on officialpokerrankings.com.

What a move with that 69, I like that hand for some reason I just can't put my finger on. You know, 69, can't put my FINGER on(in) it . Oh the hilarity.



Just made money there in the VIP tourney, $75 for top 270. There is 265 left, I have 9.9k, blinds are 400/800. I'll give updates as I go.

Card dead. 8.7k.

The average has only 11 bb's now, as blinds have gone up to .5/1k. Not long now I would imagine.

7k. Got moved so missed SB, nice.


Folded A8 to an all in. Maybe shuda gone.

All in j6.......marginal call by another shortie with A7.....and I'm out. $90. Dissapointing, but happy with a free $90.

Donkament Score of 7k!!!!!!

Cannot believe it. Didn't even rebuy!!!! I'm am going to get pissed, absolutely delighted.

Scammed out of $500

So this time it is actually my money, and it looks like I'm not getting it back. The player snooker__31 on pokerstars and mikeymx3 is a scumbag, his name is Stefan McCormick (I think). Kinda pissed off when I think about it, but something good might yet come out of it, as I have set myself a challenge. I wasn't going to play yesterday, or til the end of march as I have my VPP's, but now I am going to keep playing until on I reach one of these goals:

1. I play for 10 hours (3.38 gone)
2.I have made $450 in actual money (+$90.95)


This is my punishment for being stupid, I'm enjoying it so far, its nice to have a challenge. I have until 1st of April to do it.


**Edit - Ran really really bad. I'm just gonna play extra until I have made it all back. So far I have played 6.82 hours for a profit of $28.05, plus $65 rb.

Good day

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net


Up 11 buyins in 2.63 hours, including a 700 hand session where I ran at 55BB/100 for winnings of $208. Happy out, cos I need money badly as something came up. Not too serious, just one of my friends got in a bit of bother and I need to lend him quite a bit.

I've been quite bored recently, not much going on. Next week is rag week in a nearby college, so boredom will end, and the drinking will resume :)

I've started staking one person a very small amount for $2 9 man turbo's, moving up later on. I had two people but had to get one stake back cos of the $ situation. My guy plays as best_swongs on Full Tilt.

In other news I read a cool article here. For the past few months poker has become a chore, and while the views expressed in the article don't sum up my thoughts and feelings exactly, it's pretty close. I hope one day to give up poker altogether if possible, if I have it in me. I might be addicted, I might not, but hopefully one day I have the financial backing and common sense/willpower to give it up for good.

Heven't posted stats in a while:
25nl stats
Hours 187.38
Hands 289,777
ptBB/100 4.23
Total profit $6,134.55
$/hour $32.74
Fpp's worth $1572.04
Total $/hour $41.128


Pretty happy with the hourly, but the only problem is putting in the hours. 24 tabling is tedious, tiring and tame. Oh the alliteration, you're welcome Will. But seriously, I don't know how any one could do this as a job for more than a year.

Absolutely Fucking Pricless

Links:

Stupid Women

Stupid Woman.

Clever Man

Legendary Man



Just a collection of random shite. Sounds like I'm a massive sexist, but I'm not. Just a small one. But in all seriousness, the first two are a joke.

New guidelines

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Really really gotta stop sitting in front of this computer all day long. The amount of time I spend cooped up in my room has reached crazy highs in recent weeks, for example today. I stopped playing at around 3, said I would play a bit later. 5 hours later I am still here (albeit a small pause to run to shops and eat lunch) without playing, and am now too tired to play more. FML. Thats the way the cookie crumbles.

2+2, blogs, and other various RETARDED sites are killing me slowly to death. To DEATH!

It stops today. I am quitting 2+2. I have learned a lot from the site but one more second trawling the BBV section could do irreparable harm to my sanity. I will look in on the staking section from time to time but that's it!

Doing well at poker, BB/100 for 25nl is over 4, BR is at its highest in over half a year (3k wow such a BR nit), saving nice monies for my holiday, and of course trying to rid myself of the student loan.


Yesterdays one is too good to pass up on:

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

The "Why I dont tell people I play poker for a living" thread on 2+2

Funny thread, worth the click

Some of the better posts:

1.
So what do you do?
I make money online, kind of low risk poker playing, much like a stock broker. (i dunno how to explain to retards)
That's cool how do you do?
I try to make more than rent each month.
Thats cool I play online too. I play on Yahoo. Do you make real money where you play?
In my head(No bitch I pay rent with monopoly money)
No I just make Sklansky bucks. I knew she would not understand and drop the subject if I said that.


2.
How much have you won?
I'm up around $2000 or so.....
But how much of that did you lose?
No idiot, (go on to explain)
But can you actually take that money out?
YOU CAN???!!!
YOU'RE CRAZY TO KEEP THAT MONEY THERE! WHAT IF YOU LOSE IT ALL BACK!?

3.The main one I get is "what if the person doesnt pay you the money they owe you?"

4.
Just reading this again makes me want to savage 9 newborns with my teeth

Gospel right here.

Scammed out of 1K - Good laff

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Yes it's true. Don't really care though. It was the 1K I got sponsored by Golden Arch to play with and I staked some guy from 2+2 with it. Turns out he was a bit of a douche and lost it to his friend. Might get it back at some stage, as Golden Arch are looking into it. Anyways pooker has been going ok, made $200 on monday, and $20 today, in a total of 7 or 8 hours. Gotta keep the grinding up, have to get the vpp's in before March ends.


We won at soccer! 4-0. Good laff. Also playin roulette a bit recently, up 97.50 (euro's) over three sessions. Me and Will spent 4 and a half hours in there one day of the weekend. What a life, I'm such a hero.

Saved the week... I think + Update

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net



Had a +10BI day today, only my second ever. Just checking there and I think I'm up for the week, just. Yep $91.05. Sweet.
50nl is my enemy, so the plan is to never play there ever again. Straight from 25NL to 100NL :p. Not such a bad idea actually.

Played a soccer match today, first in a year and 3 months. Came off the bench to score....a consolation goal. We lost. We were better than them, yet again. Disaster of a match, yet again. Don't really care, yet again.

Paddy's day is comin up, can't wait. I have another soccer match (that we'll prob lose yet again) and then returning to the hometown. Should be a nice loooong drinking sesh. Hopefully.


**Update - Almost messed up my 10 buy in day, but ended up adding to it. + 11.532 BI day, biggest yet I think.

Story of my life - 50nl play like a handicap - 25nl Play like a Doyle

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net



Meh. Was kinda fuming earlier after losing $200 at 50nl, but then just won $100 at 25nl. It's kinda annoying because I know I can beat 50nl, but I just go on tilt sooooo quickly, and then hands like this happen. God what was I thinking? Seriously. What a fish.


What a pro.


I then took a break, watched my team Man United get thrashed, and the Ireland rugby underperforming (but at least winning), and then returned to the tables in my comfort zone, 25nl. Had a few nice bluff's, I bluff very rarely so here they are:

The first one kinda played itself out, got myself nice and pot committed by the turn with 9 high. I knew he had a draw though so bet small on turn, to allow myself a biggish shove on river.






In this hand I just had a gut feeling he was on a draw, I might even have been ahead on the river. That would have been a sick call if I had.

Good day at......

50NL! Not a great day, but good all the same. Finally.


Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

I decided to move up as the general consensus is that 16 tabling 50nl is less burnout inducing than 24 tabling 25nl. It is less boring, I have to say.

So this is it, the return to 50nl, where I was once a nitty fish. Now I am an awe inspiring, scary TAG! Well so far anyway.
I had a few suckouts too, this being the worst for a smallish pot. God knows what he was doing though.





I am feeling more and more comfortable, and and I think this is due to me playing more ABC poker. In my other recent attempts to move up I was overcompensating and suffering from FPS. Now I feel good, like I can beat this at a comfortable clip.


And before I go one more funny hand with that plonker.

Lotsa posts

3 updates in two days, you're getting spoilt.


Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net


Anyway yeah lotta tiltin done last night, lost 200 bucks. Am down 170 for the week, and I'm not playing today. It might be my first losing week since november.

On a positive note we found two extra laddies bookies. We are gauranteed 47 euro today, between us. And thats if the favourite comes in. There's a few 200-1's that would do nicely he he. Marodima FTW!

Fucking Tilt

Stupid handicappers limp calling to hit top two on a T62 board. WTF!!!
Retarded limpers calling all in on turn to hit up and down str8 draw. ARRHGG!!!
Spastic lag idiots insta reshoving JJ to hit sets like its FUCKING CHRISTMAS or something.

Tbh, most of these are made up. Some stuff like this happened but the bottom line is I played horribly. To remind myself how horrible I played here are some horrible hands I played horibly badly, to lose horrible amounts of money. wp finn sir.

Poker Stars $0.10/$0.25 No Limit Hold'em - 8 players - View hand 62709

The Official DeucesCracked.com Hand History Converter



CO: $31.20

Hero (BTN): $56.05

SB: $30.00

BB: $25.60

UTG: $23.35

UTG+1: $13.65

MP1: $4.65

MP2: $6.85



Pre Flop: ($0.35) Hero is BTN with J J

5 folds, Hero raises to $1.25, 1 fold, BB calls $1



Flop: ($2.60) T 4 8 (2 players)

BB checks, Hero bets $2, BB raises to $6, Hero calls $4



Turn: ($14.60) Q (2 players)

BB bets $8.75, Hero calls $8.75



River: ($32.10) A (2 players)

BB bets $9.60 all in, Hero calls $9.60



Final Pot: $51.30

Hero mucks J J

BB shows K K (a pair of Kings)

BB wins $48.85

(Rake: $2.45)





Poker Stars $0.10/$0.25 No Limit Hold'em - 8 players - View hand 62710

The Official DeucesCracked.com Hand History Converter



MP1: $21.75

MP2: $7.75

Hero (CO): $28.80

BTN: $4.90

SB: $4.05

BB: $19.80

UTG: $24.25

UTG+1: $24.00



Pre Flop: ($0.35) Hero is CO with T K

4 folds, Hero raises to $1.25, 2 folds, BB calls $1



Flop: ($2.60) 2 K 8 (2 players)

BB checks, Hero bets $1.50, BB raises to $18.55 all in, Hero calls $17.05



Turn: ($39.70) J (2 players - 1 is all in)



River: ($39.70) Q (2 players - 1 is all in)



Final Pot: $39.70

Hero mucks T K

BB shows 8 K (two pair, Kings and Eights)

BB wins $37.75

(Rake: $1.95)

Not much to report pokerwise - Elaborate Scam however

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net


As the title suggests. On a bit of a breakeven stretch, only made 40 bucks in 10k hands this week. Meh. Fpp's racking up the whole time. On a positive note my bro seems to be out of his 1k Sit'n'Go downswing and is back making millions.

And now to the fun bit. Dougie and I concocted an elaborate scheme to con Ladbrokes betting offices out of all their money. The plan is as follows:

Every day of the Cheltenham festival there is a free five euro bet for customers. Now in Cork city, where I live, there just so happens to be no fewer than SEVEN Ladbrokes bookies. This accumulates to FOURTEEN bets (dougie and I) everyday! So tomorrow they are all going on this race. Note there are only twelve runners so we will put 3 bets down on the favourite, who is actually a favourite by a mile. The least amount we will win is roughly 20 euro, and thats if the favourite comes in. What if there is an upset? We'll be rolling in it I tells ya.


I'll keep you updated on who to shout for over the coming three days. For now it is Marodima, come you ledge, make me a millionaire.

It'll take around two hours a day to place all the bet's (we have to walk a bit), and we are more than likely make at most 50 or 60 euro's each from the three days. If I sat here on my ass I could make almost double that but this is a good laff. We'll be shouting for all the favourite to fall and die. Come on the underdogs, Marodima FTW!

'Nuther good day - Hows. that, for- punctuation" Will!,

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net


Sadly I decided not to go home this weekend. Found out today I have a soccer (football) match tomorrow up here in my college home. On the plus side I had a good nuff day. AND got my money back for 3rd place in a home game. Oh yeah. Three handed I was close to folding top pair and an insider to my bro but sadly couldn't pull it off. I was pretty short stacked. I have a tell now though, so next time, next time.

And now for two graphs:

Before getting HUD:
After getting HUD (and changing my game very dramatically) til just today
Pretty content with that redline now. Room for muchos improvementos though.


In other news, my marathon plans have gone to shit. Playing soccer now instead to keep fit. I feel like a failure but it was never gonna last, I'm a poker bum, whaddya expect?!



**Update Forgot to mention, made it to last ~90 in supernova tourney when this hand happened:


Poker Stars Freeroll No Limit Hold'em Tournament - t1000/t2000 Blinds + t200 - 9 players - View hand 60133

The Official DeucesCracked.com Hand History Converter



MP2: t34981 M = 7.29

CO: t14775 M = 3.08

BTN: t24658 M = 5.14

SB: t18705 M = 3.90

BB: t25588 M = 5.33

UTG: t24950 M = 5.20

UTG+1: t32801 M = 6.83

UTG+2: t19159 M = 3.99

Hero (MP1): t21492 M = 4.48



Pre Flop: (t4800) Hero is MP1 with Q Q

2 folds, UTG+2 raises to t4000, Hero raises to t21292 all in, 5 folds, UTG+2 calls t14959 all in



Flop: (t42718) J J 2 (2 players - 2 are all in)



Turn: (t42718) 4 (2 players - 2 are all in)



River: (t42718) T (2 players - 2 are all in)



Final Pot: t42718

UTG+2 shows J Q (three of a kind, Jacks)

Hero shows Q Q (two pair, Queens and Jacks)

UTG+2 wins t42718




The thing that made this so annoying was that he played it quite horrible. Early position, min-raise with qj. Calls the all in and then hits that nasty flop, wuda had 42k if this 84.17 percenter had held up. I made 125 bucks though, but first place wuda been kinda nice, 12k.