. .

Haiti Fund

Taken from Bazclef;


The scene an hour's drive west of Port-au-Prince is apocalyptic. Almost every single building on the road I'm driving on now has been flattened.
The destruction here is even more dramatic than the dreadful conditions in the capital. People have fled to the surrounding sugarcane fields or into mangrove swamps - anything to get away from the nightmare of the falling buildings.
I've seen a long line of people queuing up at a single working water tap. Tens of thousands are living in the open in church compounds, school playgrounds and marketplaces.
The population here are in profound shock. Many are wearing handkerchiefs over their mouths to keep out the dust and ward off the smell of dead bodies.

David Orr, a spokesman for the UN World Food Programme...

Many thousands were feared dead.
"Nearly every house was destroyed here. The military are talking about 20,000 to 30,000 dead."
Many survivors have been leaving quake-hit areas in search of food, water and medicine.


Quoting boywonder's Leggopoker blog...

Guys,

Stars, Tilt and Cake are making you an offer you can´t refuse. Any donations made to help ease the terrible struggle of the people in Haiti will be matched dollar for dollar.

If you are going to give another cent to charity in your life, let it be this time when Lederer and the boys match it.

I shipped 1 buy-in to "Aid for Haiti" on Fulltilt. 1 single buy-in. In fact, I should be ashamed for not giving more, and hopefully I will shame myself into giving another buy in. Unfortunately I already gave some today earlier before I found out about this amazing opportunity. However, by the time I wake up tomorrow, I won´t even remember having done that.

Leggo and the rest of the poker-community, let´s show the world that we are not the bumhunting nits everybody thinks we are, and donate 1 or half of a buy-in of your regular stake, and inspire others to do the same. Encourage your friends and family to help through you, so that they too can get 2:1 on their money and benefit from this bargain deal.

Within 24 hours, you will forget about it, and the effect it will have on your life will be completely insignificant. However, a child may have clean drinking water or hospital aid due to your generosity.


Donate a buy-in now!

http://www.fulltiltpoker.com/aid-for-haiti

http://www.pokerstarsblog.com/2010/pokerstars-sets-up-haiti-earthquake-appe-063299.html

Oh man

sweet17: Hi
Bloodninja: hello
Bloodninja: who is this?
sweet17: just a someone?
Bloodninja: A someone I know?
sweet17: nope
Bloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
sweet17: well sorrrrrry
sweet17: I just wanted to chat with you
Bloodninja: why?
sweet17: nevermind your an jerk
Bloodninja: Hey wait a minute
sweet17: yes?
Bloodninja: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
sweet17: paranoid?
Bloodninja: yes
sweet17: of what?
sweet17: me?
Bloodninja: No. I'm in hiding.
sweet17: LOL
Bloodninja: Don't f**king laugh at me!
Bloodninja: This s**t is serious!
sweet17: What are you hiding from?
Bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: gimme a f**king break
Bloodninja: I'm serious.
sweet17: I don't get it
Bloodninja: The cops are after me.
sweet17: For what?
Bloodninja: I'm wanted in three states
sweet17: For???
Bloodninja: It's kind of embarrasing.
Bloodninja: I had sex with a turkey.
Bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You are f**king sick.
Bloodninja: Send me your picture.
sweet17: why?
Bloodninja: so I know you aren't one of them.
sweet17: One of what?
Bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: I'm not a cop i told you
Bloodninja: Then send me your picture.
sweet17: hold on
Bloodninja: Hurry up.
Bloodninja: Are you there?
Bloodninja: F**k you, cop!
sweet17: Hey sorry
sweet17: I had to do something for my mom.
Bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
Bloodninja: When really you were notifying the authorities.
Bloodninja: Weren't you!?
sweet17: thats not it
Bloodninja: Then what?
sweet17: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
Bloodninja: Most cops aren't
sweet17: IM NOT A F**KING COP YOU A**HOLE!
Bloodninja: Then send me the picture.
sweet17: fine. What's your e-mail?
Bloodninja: Just send it through here.
sweet17: alright *PIC*
sweet17: Did you get it?
Bloodninja: Hold on. I'm looking.
sweet17: That was me back in may
sweet17: I've lost weight since then.
Bloodninja: I hope so
sweet17: what?!?
sweet17: that hurt my feelings.
Bloodninja: Did it?
sweet17: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
Bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
sweet17: yes
Bloodninja: Alright let me find it.
sweet17: kks
Bloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC*
sweet17: this isn't you.
Bloodninja: I'll be damned if it ain't!
sweet17: You don't look like that.
Bloodninja: How the hell do you know?
sweet17: cause your profile has another picture.
Bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake.
Bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops.
sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
Bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
Bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.
sweet17: Go f**k yourself
Bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture
Bloodninja: Now my unit won't get hard for a week.
sweet17: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
sweet17: You've done nothing but slam me.
sweet17: you hurt me.
Bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me!
Bloodninja: Why would I do that?
sweet17: I can't believe that cops are after you
Bloodninja: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
sweet17: F((K YOU!!!
Bloodninja: You'd break both of his legs.
sweet17: You're a F**KING A**HOLE!
sweet17: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
sweet17: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
Bloodninja: Ok. I'm sorry.
sweet17: No you aren't
Bloodninja: You're right. I'm not.
Bloodninja: HAARRRRR!
sweet17: I'm done with you
Bloodninja: Aww. I'm sorry.
sweet17: I'm putting you on ignore
Bloodninja: Wait a sec
Bloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot.
Bloodninja: Wanna start over?
sweet17: No
Bloodninja: I'll eat your kitty
sweet17: You'll what?
Bloodninja: You heard me.
Bloodninja: I said I'd eat your kitty.
sweet17: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture
Bloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?
sweet17: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
Bloodninja: Well I'm not like most men.
Bloodninja: I get excited in different ways.
sweet17: Like what?
Bloodninja: Do you really wanna know?
sweet17: I don't know
Bloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no.
sweet17: I'm afraid to
Bloodninja: Why?
sweet17: cause
Bloodninja: cause why?
sweet17: well lets see
sweet17: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
sweet17: doesn't that seem strange to you?
Bloodninja: Nope
sweet17: well its strange to me
Bloodninja: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
sweet17: I didn't say that
Bloodninja: So is that a yes?
sweet17: I guess so.
Bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
Bloodninja: Are you willing?
sweet17: What do you need me to do?
Bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.
sweet17: ???
Bloodninja: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
Bloodninja: ok?
Bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You can't be serious
Bloodninja: Oh yes I am!
Bloodninja: It's my fantasy.
sweet17: this is retarded
Bloodninja: Do you want it or not?
sweet17: Yes I want it.
Bloodninja: Then you'll do it for me?
sweet17: sure
Bloodninja: Ok. Here we go.
Bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
Bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
Bloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.
Bloodninja: I run my tounge up and down your smooth c**t.
sweet17: mmmm yeah
Bloodninja: uh oh ...going limp.
sweet17: Har
Bloodninja: You gotta do better than that!
Bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
Bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every stroke.
Bloodninja: I softly suck on your cl*t bringing it in and out of my mouth.
Bloodninja: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
Bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
sweet17: mmmmmm you are good
Bloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder
Bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: HARRRRRRR
Bloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
Bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth.
Bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: this is stupid
Bloodninja: ...still limp
Bloodninja: Do it!
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
Bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your a**hole.
Bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
Bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.
sweet17: WTF?!?!?
Bloodninja: They stink really bad.
sweet17: OMG STOP!!!
Bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
Bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
Bloodninja: I ram it up your ass.
sweet17: YOURE A F**KING PYSCHO!!
Bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
Bloodninja: And turn you into a f**king candy apple...
Bloodninja: I kick you in the face!
sweet17: F**K YOU A**HOLE!!
Bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
Bloodninja: Your parrot flys away.
Bloodninja: ...going limp again.
Bloodninja: Hello?
Bloodninja: Say it!
Bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

__________





Link for more tears of laughter

Found a cool dude

"I prefer classical music and opera, so will sit this one out. I come from a very intellectual background and attended one of the top Universities where I could further my education."

"Every boy grows up dreaming of being a professinoal athlete, it does not matter if it is winning Wimbledon or hitting a walk off Slam to win the World Series, every single boy has this dream. The weak kids go into art, acting, or something else because they cannot hang."


"I am probably one of the few people to turn down a full scholorship to Stanford or early admission into Harvard to attend USC, but I am not your ordinary person."

"No offense to students at UW Platteville, but it is the lowest ranked college in America and only excepts the worst of the worst cheese farmers ugliest kids."

"If you have a kid and he /she is not a great athlete, your genes suck and you failed as a parent. You have to have amazing work ethic to be a two sport college athlete and that is all I needed to know."


"If you ever spend a few days with me, you will notice that when I cross streets I just jump right in front of cars or do other things that seem very dangerous, but I just hope someone pushes the accelarator and not the brake by accident."


"Better to be a work a holic then to be a standard American lazy bum."

"I am one of the few people in the world who has a legitimate chance of playing in Wimbledon and the US Open Golf in the next 5 years."


"I have been accused many times of being a workaholic, but I got places to go and things to do, and if your not going to help me get to where I want to be, your about as useless to me as that eco friendly, polar bear saving fan above my bed."


"While "Spacegravy" was checking my sharkscope results earlier, he cut his finger on the sharp edges of my "Platinum" star, so please be careful."





More gems here

Good few days

Made over ten buyins a day for the last three days, including my best profit ever at 25nl of $302. Total $875 in 20k hands, so I'm delighted really. Bit tired now, will update soon.

Another average day

Made around 11 buyins today. Meh.


Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
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Ah no I'm delighted, it's very close to my best day ever at 25nl, if not the best. AND seeing as I played my 10 BI session last night after 12 o clock you might even say that it is a +21 BI day. Shiiipp. $525. Happy out. This all probably makes for boring reading, so I'm sorry for that. Don't worry though, a losing session is on the cards, fo sho. Everything is going so well something bad is bound to happen. I've got a great positive attitude as you can see.

**Edit - Actually no fuck that my next sesh is going to be even bigger. Roll on a 30 BI day. (last ditch effort to negate my clever fating of the gods earlier, please no doomswitch stars;)

Two in a day again, I'm too nice

Just finished up an average +10 BI session, including quads and a royal flush! As you do. Good times.





I love the weekends on stars, I'd love to know my winrate on just Fri, Sat and Sun nights. Cant be arsed to load a filter, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was 7 or 8 ptBB/100. So many people calling down to the river full sure of the fact you are holding AK. Not a hope it is anything else, AK AK AK!The board is something like QJ976, and they pull a hero call out of the hat with a9 or 88. Loveit.

Oh and I forgot this earlier



Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

I just can't get it right

First three hands against aggrotards:













Then this against a nit.






I'm such a fish.

One more thing

Swingy Days

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net



It has been pretty damn swingy since my weekend off, but profit is profit.

I'm right on track for 10k vpp's, playing quite a lot. Can't wait for the first of June when I can give this boring shit up, for two months at least. I'm taking a month off lazing around my hometown, and then a month of traveling all around Europe. For now its back to the grindstone til the end of this month to make some $$$ and keep that Nova.

Here are a few hands in which the players involved were most likely proffesionals. Any thoughts appreciated, on bet sizing in particular.

Ouch. just realised that two of these hands were against the same poor guy. Raped.

Good to be back + update

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net


So I took a holiday to London, had a great time, and am now back reinvented, refreshed, and ready. I have had two good sessions since returning, which is a sign that I'm playing well. Today I was stuck $150 (six buyins) at one stage, but kept a cool head to finish up $3, which I'm delighted with. I was pissed off at one stage but I don't think I let my play suffer. Sessions where you lose a lot to recoup at the end are so much better than being up like 6 buyins to finish even.

Full steam ahead now to maintain Nova for this month! Here are some hands from today.


In this hand I manned up and called this aggrotard's shove. Its a nice feeling to catch people with their hand in the cookie jar, getting caught is an awful feeling though.



And a nice ol' hand here


**Update - Played another 45 min session, + 3 BI's. Feels good to be grinding again, got 600 vpp's today. Another 9 days like today and I'm there.

Avoiding the Raw Deal

Picture the scene: the lights are dimmed, you are one card away from a
big win and you have the upper hand. There’s no way they can beat you.
But ‘that guy’ who usually ends up in your games seems to be dealing a
little strangely today. Before you’ve finished blinking your eyes,
that very same guy has begun to deal the cards on the table one by
one, but yours lands face up! The whole hand has to be dealt once
again. You seem to be playing at reasonably high stakes and so this
shouldn’t really be happening any more…
Well it happened to me last night. At my own home game which made it
rather frustrating too. Like my friends, I am certain that every mid
to high stakes gambler wants the security that a professional casino
dealer provides. When the stakes are high you can’t afford to make any
errors. Getting a professional is the only way to ensure that all the
rules are complied with and you get the added bonus of experiencing a
far more convincing playing field that resembles a professional casino.
I’ve always hired professional poker dealers/croupiers to deal at our home games and
dinner parties. When we invite guests over, the dealer gives us a
quick demonstration of his card handling skills, accompanied by a few
shuffling tricks. Once the formalities are over, we get down to the
actual game. Its usually Black Jack followed by Poker. Both test his
dealing skills to the limit well until the early hours every week.
Since I am no longer a casino man - naturally my wife takes care of
that, I am able to do this by visiting a site I found called Dial A
Dealer. Its a rather clever directory of dealers and high quality casino hire events companies from around the
world. Dealers can sign up to the site and enter all of their
accolades as well as photographs and highlight which games they excel
at. I was able to quickly find a reliable dealer who is now a good
friend in my area.
The site has a distinct design that sets it apart from most casino
related sites. There is an informative article section which contains
advice for the newcomers covering all sorts of important topics such
as dealing etiquette and the top five worst mistakes you can make.
Perhaps the dealer from last night’s game should have read this site?!
There is also a blog section that allows people like me to keep in
touch with all the latest news from the gambling world. Alongside this
are tips and advice to improve your home games as well.
Overall, I think they have all the popular locations covered like the
US, Canada, the UK, Australia and New Zealand. Its interesting to note
that the search for my dealer was made very easy by a feedback system
that lets users rate the dealers. Since I regularly have larger
parties I sometimes use the dealer’s extra services to hire tables or
venues and the site lets me see instantly who offers these.
Every time I go to a game that starts to go high stakes, I recommend
calling up a dealer from www.dialadealer.com to make sure the odds are
in everyone’s favour.

Burnout

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net



I have played just one session since the last blog post. 1800 hands, minus 2 BI's. I really think I've burned out properly this time. I can't stand to think of playing poker through the summer. I have around $5k, which I'm hoping will get me through til August/September.

I'll keep playing for the next few weeks hopefully, and then stop for good until August sometime. Actually I just decided I'm going to try and move up to 50nl. Should be a bit more fun than the usual 25nl donks. Anyway I'm off to watch Man United crush Wigan.

This is my bro's blog, he's started it up after hearing I have made a bit of $$$ from this.
Stupid Blog

Downswing + 25nl stats

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net



I can't seem to stop myself from tilting these days. It's not ubermega "I'm gonna hit 5/10 heads up," tilt, just that I'm playing my B-game constantly. Scratch that, it's more like my F-game:



The villain was running 16/12, and of course my tilted brain interprets this to mean that villain is DEFINITELY bluffing. Snap call that river, why not? I have the nuts.

Through analyzing my PT3 stats I've noticed I have had five losing sessions at 25nl in a row. God damn awful, whichever way you look at it. I don't know what to do to stop spewing. Not getting outdrawn at the start of sessions would help, but one or two bad outdraws never used to tilt me. Whats changed? I have been getting coolered and outdrawn a lot more but its no excuse, I used to be so confident at 25nl. I know I can still kill it, but before I was just more confident. I'm gonna play a lot less over the next week or two, and then increase the hours a lot to keep supernova at the end of May.


Here are my stats at 25nl to make myself feel better

Hands 395,806
Hours 254.22
BB/100 3.84
Total Profit $7599.70
$/hour $29.89
$ from Fpp's $2361.97

Total Hourly Rate ...... $39.19


Just to remind myself, I got $ from fpp's by
(Hands/100) x (11 x .0155 x 3.5)



On a non poker related subject United are through to the final of the Champions League!!!! Roll on Rome, I hope Barcelona get through. I have a bit of money on 2-1 Barca as well.

I am really pissed off about Fletcher though, it's an disgrace that the decision can't even be appealed. He is a player that truly puts his all into every game, and he deserves to be in that final more than most of our team. Fuck that retarded ref.



ONLY FOR YOU FLETCH!